3 Ways to Ditch Control and Unlock Freedom

Drop the illusion that you can control everything

As the (steering) wheel turns

Imagine a young child in the back seat of a car, holding a frisbee and pretending it’s a steering wheel.

He turns it left. He turns it right.

Every once in a while, one of his turns of the wheel will coincide with the driver’s turn of the wheel, and voila! Just like that, the illusion of control sets in.

The belief that somehow, through the magic of childhood innocence, a frisbee can control a moving car.

Now, imagine we never lose that illusion – that we grow up and still believe we can control everything with the power of desire…desire to control.

There is so much in our power, and so much not in our power. The true path to freedom is dropping the desire to control what is just simply not in our power.

The (not-so) grand illusion

No matter how clean your living space is, you can’t stop the wind from blowing a pile of dust to your door.

Even if you keep your car keys on a hook by the garage so you’ll never lose them, you can’t stop the car’s battery from dying in the morning when you’re late for work.

Regardless of how passionate you are for one candidate, you can’t stop your neighbor from canceling out your vote when they pull the lever for the other person.

We are caught up in a brutal illusion in this life: the belief that maybe we can control everything because, occasionally, we can control something.

But this is absolutely not the case.

And the pursuit of absolute control leads us to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and loads of frustration.

But there’s hope. Lots of it!

One simple shift…

Freedom doesn’t come from control. It comes from releasing ourselves from the burden of needing to control.

If we can make one simple shift in our thinking, and remember to frame daily events around it, we can save ourselves from tremendous energy drain, overwhelm, and feelings of powerlessness.

This is the shift: Some things are just simply beyond our ability to control, and we need to drop any ideas to the contrary.

We know this truth. We’ve been told this dozens of times. Countless fortune cookies have said we can’t control everything.

But yet somewhere in the recesses of our minds, the belief persists that we can control far more than we are able to, and we waste a lot of time and energy in that pursuit.

But, what if? What if we could drop what we can’t control?

Focus on what you can control

Here’s the MtE tip: Focus on what you can control…let go of the rest.

So here it is: Instead of frittering away time on the uncontrollable, focus attention on what you can control, including the following:

• How you act

• What you think

• What you say to others

• How you respond to daily events

• What you decide to believe about yourself

Putting your attention – your intention – into these things allows you to spend your precious energy where it will have the greatest impact (instead of, say, arguing with strangers in internet comment sections).

Here’s how to start small, right in everyday life:

1.     Identify something in your day you can control, and work to control it. This could be a thought about a friend or co-worker or a response to a situation you will likely encounter that day. Prepare for it. Then, when the situation happens, catch yourself thinking negatively (if that happens) and shift it to something positive; or, come to the situation with an attitude of, “If X happens, I can react with Y instead of Z. That will defuse and calm the situation.”

2.     Let go of what you can’t control. Project into your day and find something you’ll likely encounter that you can’t control, such as your manager’s attitude or the traffic flow on the way to a destination. Then, let go of your expectations of how the situation will play out, and practice accepting what is when it happens. Go in prepared, leave a little less stressed.

3.     Be mindful. Before you start your day, take a few deep breaths. Commit to being aware of people and situations through the day and recording/paying attention to how you feel when you encounter them. Are you raging against rivers you can’t change the flow of? Are you arguing with people who won’t see reason? Watch yourself. Watch for triggers. Be more aware of how the day comes at you, and just how much you can control.

Try one of these. Start small. Practice.

Share with us about a situation that came up where you decided to drop the illusion of control…where you just decided to surrender.

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To dive deeper into strategies for managing stress and anxiety (including mindfulness and meditation), check out my book, An Audible Silence; or schedule a free 15-minute call to see if coaching might be right for you. For even more, follow me on Instagram or TikTok.

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(NOTE: Mastering the Everyday is not medical or mental health advice or diagnosis, and is solely for informational/entertainment purposes. If you need physical or psychiatric care, please reach out to a trained and licensed medical professional.)